march started silently, im so unaware about its arrival till i chanced upon it that day, which is few days ago. needless to say, this prove that i had been in my kuku-world for a very long time. having myself hidden in my thick shell this long and i believe its time to crawl out to let the scorching sun burn my pale white face. the start of march, impulsiveness had ruled me out of my clear mind. no certification to prove but thats what i had believe. slight remorseful feeling still lingers but i am sure i can get it off soon or sooner. anyway, its past. so it goes to the past-tense. *fleew~ & back off. right ahead of me now is another long route. misty, but i still had to walk it out, no other choice, isnt it? things dont fall from the sky, i always told myself that. but yet, i dont seem like im trusting my old words. easier said than done. im on 2 hands for that. im always being affected easily, which often makes me stand still without any strength to move forward eventhough you can still hear me shouting: 'chiong ar." LOL. every step i took now seems so heavy, why? im doubtful. not about anyone but my own self.

"what the fuck i had been doing? wake up!!!!!"

ive said this to myself millions, billions of times.

but it seems that its not effective at all.

darn that. damn me.

that is the reason im still wondering the authentic of my own words. the uncertainty is still on a high rate. my changeable mood, my unstable emotion seems like operating my soul. lots of people had been wanting to slam my head or bang my face to the wall to make me wake up, but its not motivating me at all. why? i felt like a walking zombie with dead emotion, numb. harsh criticism, sarcastic judgements, nags, kind persuasions, made no improvements on me. although there is no definition of right and wrong in life.

but this is not the correct way of living. i knew, but i just dont know why im being like this.