after yesterday's long trip out at Bugis, today i felt so tired. wake up quite late, around 2pm plus, but was lazing in my bed half-conscious-ly and till i am full-conscious was at 5pm plus! actually, i think it was not fully because of the trip that causes me to be so tired today, i was awaken quite alot of times during the night due to the noises my 2 brothers was making when they were talking n playing their ONLINE games OUT LOUD yesterday! -.-" and also as usual my toilet-urge every night.today dad came back home from work around 5pm plus, but didnt buy any food back. =( . mum went for her mahjong session with her friends so no home-cooked food or eating-out also. as i doesnt have the feeling of going down getting food to eat. i ORDERED MAC! zzz. doesnt feel like eating it thou, but no choice i was so0o0o hungry but lazy to go anywhere else. help dad order his FILET-O-FISH and my youngest brother's McSPICY meals too. luckily the delivery time wasnt very LONG. just 45minutes. and now i am having my FILET burger and fries =). haha. btw, i dont know WHY everytime i order MAC, the drinks delivered to us are always leaking into the plastic bags. -.-" are all their cups got holes in them?? LOL. really wondering~

there were a period of about two and a half years i was staying OUT of home. staying independently outside without parents or family really makes people grows up faster. i must admit these 2years plus makes me understand alot of things and especially towards my parents. i may not be yet very matured but i knew i had become a more understanding person. really! i do felt so. =) in the past when i was staying at home. i am just like a SPOILT kid, even my uncle likes to call me 吴千金 [like a princess] cause i dont really do anything at home. i will ASK people to help me instead. everything i headed MUM for help. although when i was in my teenage - during sec school days - i will help my mum in some housework and cook meals for my brothers, but as i graduated from sec school and step out to work, i no longer helps out but TURN worse.! i dont wash my own bowls anymore, i leave there and i knew my mum will wash it. as thou, she's a maid. i was so that bad =X . i dont help in any housework and anything i want, i just goes after mummy or daddy for help. looking back i was really like a princess. except working, i practically did NOTHING at all for the family. till i went out from home, not staying with my family, i knew how hard it was to earn a living. especially for a person with low education.[who ask me so stupid last time likes to play and never study larhs!?!?]. getting a 1k plus pay was consider NOT REALLY ENOUGH for me to even support myself~ =( , that was then i can imagine how hard my dad had to work to support the whole family of 5???? and which my youngest brother having illness which causes more expenses for his medication as his illness are currently cannot be cure? he was born a diabetes due to lack of an organ which helps our body to digest away the glucose. and so he needs to inject insulin and do blood test EVERY SINGLE DAY till there is a CURE to it. i really felt how great my dad is! although he doesnt express his love to us or his care and concern by asking us verbally, but to me, his hardworking for the family is way ENOUGH to prove that he do LOVED us. leaving home, every thing had to DIY. even if i am facing a problem, no one can be there for me. i cant go "MA, PA" like i used to, and i had to handle it myself. =( . frankly, at first i really cant take it. but then, i tell myself i must be strong and learn to change and improve~ if not i will never grow and learn! alot of things that i never do before, i made myself to learn to do. this is always why i like to say about myself that, i can only learn in the HARD WAY. truly i am like this. i believe that people only will learn when they taste it themselves. verbally only = understands but NOT truly knows. just like i wont know how HARD and TOUGH pregnancy is really like till i was PREGNANT myself. or how GREAT a mum is until i am a MUM myself. =) .my route had been tough, it really wasnt easy for me to actually walk to this stage. lots of obstacles and step-backs i had faced. lots of 'first-time' that i had experienced. lots of fears and despairs that i had FORCE myself to overcome. i aint BORN strong, like ive said. i had LEARNT them thru' life on the tough way. i had never regretted my life was like this as i know, if i never had taste the bitterness in life, i wont know how does SWEET taste like. and i am really satisfied for ALL that i HAD in my life till now. nothing is perfect, but it can be PERFECT if you just feel that it is!! to me, NOW i had a perfect mum and dad, i had perfect friends around me, i had a perfect place that i am living in and in future a perfect daughter of mine =) and maybe a perfect partner in life. and thats simply PERFECT isnt it! ^,^

but IF you thinks that i am a kind soul, nahs! you are wronged. XXXXX. i aint a saint, im understanding but there are still PEOPLE that i wished that can be DISAPPEARED off in this WORLD! although to many people who knows me, for me to hate a person, its like a one-in-a-million kind of case that will happen, but i do have someone that i seriously HATE and because i really CANT STAND that KIND of people!!! its so0o0o0o HATEFUL to me that i can wished the someone OFF DEAD!. this is how much HATE i can have! so beware~ =X